Jerky Boys – Marriage Insurance Lyrics

Reciever: Good afternoon
Kissel: Hello, is this an insurance place?
Reciever: Excuse me?
Kissel: Is this an insurance place?
R: Yes it is
K: Ok, I met this young lady. I think I want her to marry me… Hello?
R: Yes?
K: I met this young lady, I want her marry me but I need your insurance to tell me…you know the marriage will be good. She’ll make a good wive…
R: (chuckles) How am I ‘spost to tell you dat?
K: I don’t know. She don’t cook or clean or nuttin’
R: (laughs)
K: Well, i need you to insure me that she’ll be the right lady
R: I can’t insure.. I can’t tell you dat
K: She got a bigger beer belly den me
R: (laughs)
K: That’s why I’m trying to look nice and swell for memorial day cause I wanna wear a nice bikini
R: (laughs)
K: I got knob knees. Hallo?
R: Yes? Yeah? (still chuckling)
K: You should see my feet, they look lice a bushel a’ corn
R: (sighs) Ok, how can *** help you?
K: I I I dunno, she don’t cook or clean. She’s always dancing around the house, she used to be a dancer. She puts rags on her head. She don’t..I told her the other day to make me some biscuits… and than she put on the oven, it went BADDABOOM! and buscuits flew, hit my cat. Hello? I met this lady, I wanna marry her

R: Oh, you do?
K: Right. But I need someone to insure it’ll be a good marriage
R: Oh I dunno, we don’t write that kind of insurance
K: You won’t give me a pat on the back telling me “don’t worry”, you know, “buy her a ring”?
R: Oh, I can’t I can’t do that either
K: Why not?… You know how to make buscuits?
R: Do I what?!
K: Know how to make buscuits?
R: So, what does that have to do with insurance?
K: Cause, uh, that’s. She needs to make good buscuits
R: Well, you ask her if she knows how to make good buscuits before you marry her
K: Yeah but everytime I want a drink for memorial day coming up… she gets mad at me
R: Oh, she does?
K: Right…
R: Well than don’t take it
K: What, take, the marriage?
R: Don’t take the marriage if you were asking for problems already
K: Because…
R: Ok. (hangs up on him)

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